


Pornstars AU

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [60]
Category: Supernatural, TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works
Genre: Alternate Universe - Porn, Bad Puns, Crack, Drabble, Foursome - M/M/M/M, Gangbang, Humor, Invisible sex, Kink Shaming, Lace Panties, Light BDSM, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of bestiality, Past Underage, Personification, Pie, Pornstars, Prostitution, Public Blow Jobs, Roleplay, Size Kink, Tear Away Pants, Threesome - M/M/M, Underwear Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-07
Updated: 2013-09-07
Packaged: 2017-12-25 22:09:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/958160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What the porn industry really needs is more kinky Lord of the Rings inspired webisodes.  Our intrepid heroes set out to fix this oversight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pornstars AU

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IShipSabrielAndDestielSoHard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IShipSabrielAndDestielSoHard/gifts).



> A sequel to Bakery AU, this can also be read separately. But here's some background: 
> 
> Dean and Cas are in a relationship. A kinky bondage relationship that may or may not involve prostitution. 
> 
> Gabriel and Sam are in a relationship. A relationship based on mutual need for literary accuracy in their role play. 
> 
> Garth is a porn star who likes to dress up like a professor and teach classes at the local university.
> 
> Now enjoy.

**Gabriel:**  So, the shoot tomorrow is going to be the first in our series of  _Lord of the Rings_  inspired porn webisodes:  _At the Inn of the Prancing Penis_.

 **Sam:**  Right. And I just wanted us to get together and go over the plot.

 **Dean:**  The plot? Isn’t this a porno?

 **Sam:**  That’s no excuse to forgo literary accuracy!

 **Dean:**  It’s porn. I’m pretty sure the plot is ‘they have sex. In hobbit costumes.’ 

 **Gabriel:**  We won’t all be…

 **Sam:**  Ugh, you’re one of  _those_  people.

 **Dean:**   _Those_  people?!?

 **Sam:**  Who like their porn to actually have no plot. Usually even the porniest stuff has enough plot to make it plausible.

 **Dean:**  Well, that’s stupid.

 **Sam:**  Well, you’re stupid.

 **Dean:**  Bitch.

 **Sam:**  Jerk.

 **Cas:**  Why is it so sexy when you guys say that? I feel like you don’t say it nearly often enough…

 **Gabriel:**  ANYWAY! We start with two scenes intercut. The first is Merry and Pippin paying for their drinks. With blowjobs, obviously. The second is Sam and Frodo, but Frodo is wearing the Ring, so it’s more of artistic solo…

 **Dean:**  I get to be Frodo!!!

 **Gabriel:**  You understand that means you have to have sex with Sam, right?

 **Dean:**  Sure. I didn’t think we were getting into the really hardcore stuff in the first shoot, but I’m fine with a little master/slave role play as long as there’s also food involved. Which there will be with Samwise. Could I request pie?

 **Gabriel:**  I meant—

 **Dean:**  Oh! And there’s no Gollum yet, right? I draw the line at that. Anything with Gollum is borderline bestiality. I know you guys had some personification-of-the-Ring thing going on last week, and I don’t want to kink shame or anything, but that stuff is so not my thing.

 **Sam:**  It did sort of ruin ‘precious’ as a term of endearment.

 **Gabriel:**  But it was still totally worth it.

 **Sam:**  …For science.

 **Gabriel:**  …Yeah.

…

 **Gabriel:**  Where were we?

 **Castiel:**  Casting. But can I ask a few questions about wardrobe?

 **Sam:**  Sure.

 **Cas:**  Okay. First, I have regular hobbit costumes, and tear-away ones. Any preference?

 **Gabriel:**  Well, tear-away is probably better for Merry and Pippin. ‘Cause that will get rid of any awkwardness going into the gangbang…

 **Dean:**  …besides the inherent awkwardness of hobbit gangbangs…

 **Gabriel:**  …but regular is good for everyone else. OH! Unless you can get tear-away pants for Strider, so he can keep on the boots and cape and such. That would be sexy.

 **Cas:**  Sure. Also, what kind of undergarments are you thinking? I have these great lace stockings that would be perfect for Pippin….

 **Gabriel:**  Go with your instincts.

 **Sam:**  Just remember to keep it in character.

 **Cas:**  Right. So, stockings for Pippin, but save the garter belt for Merry. Stuff like that?

 **Sam:**  Exactly. I could give you a few scholarly references about the kinky side of hobbit tailoring, if you’re interested.

 **Cas:**  That would be awesome.

 **Dean:**  Can we get back to Frodo? Who is me?

 **Gabriel:**  Yeah, I’m still not sure you really want to do that.

 **Dean:**  Yes I do! He’s the dreamiest. Do you not think I’m the dreamiest?!?

 **Gabriel:**  No one is debating your dreaminess. The main problem with you being Frodo is that you have sex with—

 **Dean:**  Sam. I know. It’s fine. He’s kinda tubby, but the pie more than makes up for it.

 **Gabriel:**  No! The Sam stuff is a solo shoot that Garth is doing later in the week. Frodo is invisible for that scene, so we don’t need an actor. Frodo only takes off the Ring when Strider shows up and pulls them apart, then punishes Frodo for his foolishness.

 **Dean:**  Oh. So it’s like, a bondage punishment thing? ‘Cause I’m fine with that. As long as I get some of that pie afterwards.

 **Gabriel:**  Yeah. I wasn’t worried about that. I was worried because Aragorn is basically a giant compared to the hobbits, so he needs to be played by Sam - your brother, Sam - so…

 **Dean:**  Oh! You were worried about the incest thing. Dude. Not a problem.

 **Gabriel:**  …what?

 **Dean:**  He’s been the Gimli to my Legolas since, oh, when would you say, Sam?

 **Sam:**  Well, I don’t think you were underage…

 **Gabriel:**  What?

 **Dean:**  Wait. Does this mean that you and Cas don’t have sex with each other? ‘Cause I have to say I got the vibe that you had a very ‘Merry and Pippin’ relationship, if you know what I mean.

 **Gabriel:**  Nah. We totally do. But I didn’t think…

 **Sam:**  You though I was a prude, didn’t you?

 **Gabriel:**  Yeah. Sorry. I should have known better when you wanted to be Bilbo with all those dwarves, but…

 **Dean:**  Well, I’m glad we got that straightened out. It should make that RAV-4some shoot at the garage next week way less awkward.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
